With Every Ending there is a new Beginning

With the same reluctance that I started this blog, I am calling it quits.  I am so glad I spend the last four years documenting our kids lives and I sincerely enjoyed it, but it has become too consuming for me.  Even though I do not update often, the need to is always on the back of my mind, nagging at me and I want to be at peace with it.

My goal was to give David the same documentation that I did with Margo, with the hopes I could make it to age two.  That has obviously not been achieved even thus far.  When I started my blog I was working and I did most of my updates during lunch or on slow days.  It was easy with no interruptions, at least not like that of a one and three year old. 

I take my job as a SAHM mom very seriously.  I feel an added pressure to keep the house clean, provide healthy meals and be available to my kids, nurture them, enrich their lives, etc...  I have to let go of something and this seems the easiest thing.  Margo had a working mom and I wasn't as present, but I did a fantastic job of documenting her earliest years.  David has his mama seven wonderful days a week, but this blog has been somewhat of a failure this past year.  No one reads the blog, except maybe a shout out to Stephanie Ray.  I was doing this for the kids, to show them just how amazing they are and how much I love being a mama.  I will print the pages for them, put them in a binder and they will always know how wonderful these first years were.

All I ever wanted in life was to be a mama and it was a journey to get here.  In my first year as a SAHM, I sort of lost myself or my focus and was so consumed by perfecting the role of SAHM that I didn't focus enough on what is most important.  Those days are over, I am actively working on creating a no yelling mommy, practice "no cell phone Sunday" on a weekly basis, am going to church more often and trying to work on myself both spiritually and physically--I have lost ten pounds so far this year!  I am the most extreme kind of Type-A and a perfectionist of the worst sorts, needing my day and my life mapped out to the minute to feel in control.  It is unhealthy for my family and I am trying to let go and go with the flow.

So for those of you who did take the time to read about my precious angels, to pray for our family, to provide advice and encouragement, a HUGE thank you.  This is my 97th post in four years and it was fun... for a while...

From my first post - 20 weeks pregnant with Margo

To my babies... I wish I could put into words what it means to me to be a mother.  There is nothing adequate enough to even begin to cover the breadth and depth of my love for my family.  Margo and David, you are magical!  Everyday with you is an incredible gift from God and I love every beautiful, amazing moment we share.  I hope I never let you down and always lift you up.  I truly have tried with all my might, though I have failed at times, to be the best mama to you both--nothing matters more to me!  Thank you for bringing immeasurable joy to my days, for filling up my sometimes empty heart, for being the blue skies to my rainy days, for your beautiful innocence and purity.  You have reached into my soul and colored my being with the most vibrant rainbow of joyful, amazing emotions and experiences.  This thing called motherhood, there is no greater role for me, and I am eternally grateful that God entrusted me with your precious souls.  I hope that someday you will understand just how much being a mother to you means to me and that you will always always be proud to call me mama!

I cannot forget my ever faithful and amazing husband.  My Cary, you were so terrified to become a daddy!  I always knew you would be a wonderful father because you are an exceptional, loving and loyal spouse.  Thank you for putting up with me, for never giving up on me, for supporting me in everything I do (even when it doesn't make sense) and for working so hard to make our dreams come true.  I have loved this 14 year journey with you, through thick and thin, and know that there is so much beauty on the horizon for us.  With Christ, and with one another, we can do anything. 

From my last blog post! Our family is complete!

I consider myself most blessed, plain and simple.  I/we have come a long way in four years.  Praise God for all of it and for allowing me to share it with you!